Daddy in the Naughty Corner

This story has had me kicking small animals for most of the last two days. It contains elements of racism, religous bigotry and sexism.

A 12 year old gets on a plane and goes to Pakistan to be with her father. Her white mother and grandma immediately start shouting about abduction, forced marriages and child brides. The truth is far simpler. She prefered to be with her father and the rest of her family rather than with a bunch of freaks on the Scottish Islands.

My ex-wife came to the pub today. The first time that she has visited me. I have to say that there was a certain degree of trepidation floating around and for once I was grateful when hector woke at 6:15 demanding breakfast as it gave me plenty of time to clean up the rooms, pack and make sure that everything was safe and sensible in time for her arrival.

It went well and it was important that it went well because, as we discussed over lunch, whilst I have every legal right to see the children, she could make my life hellish by simply delaying and obstructing visits. As, she says, many of her female colleagues at work do with their ex's.

We seem to have reached an understanding, the ex and I. I think we both look at each other with more than a degree of sadness and regret but also an understanding that times have moved on and that there is far too much water under the bridge between us. I think what has also helped is that I believe some bloke called Simon is screwing my ex-wife.

I was going to claim here that I was conflicted about this but the reality is that there is little "conflict" within me. I am going to punch his lights out if I ever met him. I'm very clear on that.

Talking about punching we had a long discussion about the kids and discipline. Actually we had a long chat about Hector and discipline. Hector is a terrorist. A foot stomping, shouting, book throwing whirlwind. The Ex has instituted this idea of the "naughty corner": ie a space in the house where a child is sent to sit and think about their behavior and they stay there until they are sorry. Worked perfectly with Beatrice. The problem is that Hector can't think. The first time I said to him " Right, you are being very bad and Daddy is upset. You go to the naughty corner!" the little shit jumped up, grinned from ear to ear and shouted

" NO! YOU UPSET HECTOR! YOU GO TO NAUGHTY CORNER!"

At this point it became clear that for me and Hector the whole naughty corner thing is a non-starter. The moment was not helped by his sister then falling about hysterical with laughter, chanting             " Daddy to the Naughty corner!"

It was tiring, the kids weren't in great form as they were very tired and fed up but, it was lovely.

Comments

[King Of The Hill]

That whole Scottish "abduction" thing was weird, wasn't it? I heard the girl on Radio 5 Live today, and she impressed me with her calmness and articulation about the subject. What didn't impress me was the way in which the usual suspects jumped in to offer their two pen'orth - social services, police, councillors, MP's, those insufferable little twerps from the Muslim Council of Britain or whatever it's called.

Scumbags who need their lights punching out are invariably called Simon. It's like some kind of natural law.

The most effective disciplining i ever received from my Mum and Dad was the silent treatment. Worked every time.

[Patrick]

Simon's and Igor's both are in need of a ass whipping real bad. Don't stop with a punch. Break his nose and knock out a tooth for good measure.Make sure you take a punch or two as well. Damn I love a good ex wife new man ass kicking. It kind of sets the rule of the alpha male thing.

[Dawn]

This is the first i've heard of this story and I hear what you're saying about the racism, religous bigotry and sexism but I have to say I'm cringing inside for the poor mom. I probably shouldn't say more but I think my initial reaction would be to side with her.

That's so cute that your son is sending you to the naughty corner! My son tries to give me time-outs frequently (that's the american equivalent of the naughty chair). The way we do it, you get one minute for every year of age so my son always says, "Okay mommy you sit there for 33 minutes!"

And what the hell are you talking about you want to punch Simon? Wha. .wha. . what? No! That's sooooo not fair. But wow - sounds like you and the ex are communicating rather well these days and that is awesome!

[moizza]

*snorts* If perchance if the geographical trajectory had been reversed, we'd be drowning in pools of media sympathy for a girl who escaped the clutches of her evilly draped Pakistani mother.

When moral stances are taken from biases, it really becomes possible to see why the Holocaust was possible. The right to human life is not universal nor are other rights and a kid's right to decide which parent she wants to be with is pooh! mere piffle.

I love the naughty corner idea.I wonder if it would work at a work place.

[Jenny]

I'm not even going to read the story because it will probably trigger anxiety attacks that have everything to do with me and nothing to do with the story in question.

Good old, Simon! You should thank him. I assure you he's doing you a favor. I bet he has everything to do with the new open communication.

My son sounds much like your own, but for obvious reasons I refrain from referring to him as a terrorist. My pal Cor is a devotee to "Super Nanny" and does the whole naughty corner bit when she's around, but I don't think it's really working for us. We also do the minute thing that Dawn mentioned.

[Jenny]

Okay, I read the link. SIGH.

It's incredibly hard to tell your parent that you don't want to live with them, even if you really don't. My father tried several power plays to get me to stay with him when I was younger and I would say that I wanted to live with him, because I felt like I should. All I can say is thank God my mom stood firm for me, when I was unable to do so myself. Not saying this is necessarily happening with this girl, but family ties do exert a pressure and if your father and sister showed up and offered to take you "home" it would take quite the strong-willed child to say no.

GAH - I knew I shouldn't have read the link. Sorry.

[Dawn]

Great point, Jenny.

Personally I don't think a 12 year old is old enough to make a decision like that.

[King Of The Hill]

No, you are of course right, but the mother in this case is a total nut! I would still be wary about transplanting the girl to Pakistan from Scotland, but it seems like the right thing to do as far as can be seen.

[Stephen]

The 12 year old will not be making the decision. A treaty between Pakistan and the UK will ensure that the courts will now make the decision.

My point was less to do with where the girl should be located but more around the inital media frenzy that leapt upon the mother's and grandmother's allegations of abuduction, forced marriages and the insinuation of a general sense of moral superiorty over Pakistani males.

[Cris]

Hahaha, you´ve been bad daddy! Go to the naughty corner and stay there for abt 10 yrs to think off all the kinky stuff u did and then i hope u will be ashamed of urself!

This corner thingy is shit as far as im concerned, that is not how u dscipline a kid. In fact, at the age of 3 a kid cant be disciplined! A 38 yr old however can think of all his sins and then usually of a strategy to get away with it..

HA! And double ha! As for Simon, i think its the other way around. She is screwing the poor bastard and she likes it! Otherwise she wouldnt have mentionned it to u.

Get it now? Wink!